Crash
by FelsGoddess
Summary: After losing Allana, Jacen reflects on his choices. Meanwhile, Tenel Ka thinks about her relationship with the fallen Jedi.


Title: Crash  
Author(s): FelsGoddess  
Timeframe: LotF  
Characters: Jacen Solo, Tenel Ka  
Genre: Valentine's Day response  
Keywords: challenge  
Summary: Jacen and Tenel Ka...a relationship doomed to fail.  
Notes: Written for the Valentine's Day Songfic Roulette Challenge

Song:  
_Grenade by Bruno Mars_

The swirling lines of hyperspace never calmed Jacen Solo as it had his siblings. The effect was even less on Darth Caedus. He stared out of the viewport in his office; one hand clutching a stuffed toy Allana had left behind when she was taken and pressed flat against the transparisteel. His fingers curled into a tight fist as he closed his eyes. His last conversation with Tenel Ka played through his mind, further fueling his rage.

Rage combined with hopeless and loss in a swirling maelstrom in his heart. He turned from the viewport, striking his fist on his thigh. He placed the stuffed toy on his desk with almost reverence. He gently removed his lightsaber from his belt and turned on the blade. He held it horizontally at eye level. He let out a frustrated hiss. His spit connected with the glowing blade, causing it to crackle.

He brought the lightsaber as close to his face as possible. His eyes fluttered closed to protect themselves from the light. He held it for one, two breaths, and then distinguished it. He threw it across the office. It bounced off the wall and clattered to the floor.

Years ago, back when he had been a stupid, naïve child, he had run his blade through Tenel Ka's arm. How she much she must want to do the same to him. He knew she could not, though. No matter how angry she was, she knew she was no match for him. He was much too powerful.

Jacen didn't want to kill her. Part of him, that small, hidden portion, still loved her. An even bigger part of him didn't want to cause Allana the pain of losing her mother. It was an emotion Jacen knew he needed to overcome; something that should be easier after the loss of Allana.

Jacen's eyes shifted from brown to yellow as fury built up inside of him. She was gone. His Allana had been torn from his grasp by the Jedi and his parents. Their role in her loss made his blood boil and stomach churn. He had long sacrificed his family, though. It did not matter. All that mattered was that Allana could live in peace.

His eyes shifted back to brown. He walked across the cabin and picked up his blade. He clipped it to his belt. He then turned to his desk and placed the toy inside locked drawer. The key was slipped into a pocket inside his shirt.

Jacen paused in front of the viewport before he exited the room. Out there was his daughter. One day she would understand what he had done for her and would be grateful. She would love him for it

He left the room, face calm and serene. No one would know what was locked inside; what his real loss had been.

The smooth rancor tooth hilt gleamed in the artificial light of Tenel Ka's bedroom. She traced her fingers along the hilt in quiet contemplation. Allana was asleep in her room, safe. She seemed unharmed, but Tenel Ka wasn't sure. She didn't know what Jacen would do to their child. He loved her, there was no question there but that love had warped him. Allana hadn't spoken much of her time with her father. She knew the truth, at least regarding her true paternity. Tenel Ka dreaded the day Allana found out what a horrible monster her father had become.

Tenel Ka closed her grey eyes. She felt responsible for not seeing it before. It was stupid to blame herself, she knew. Either no one saw the signs or ignored them. Jacen made his choices.

It didn't make her feel less guilty, though. Tenel Ka pushed herself off the bed, leaving the hilt on the top of the plush covers. She pulled a small, locked box from her closet. She removed the key from her necklace and opened the container. She removed the gort eggshell necklace resting inside. Jacen had given it to her at the academy. She'd kept it, years later. She debated giving it to Allana one day. Part of her wanted to keep it with the rest of her life as a reminder of what a person could become. She rubbed the pearlescent shell fragments. They were so pure, so clean. That's how Jacen had been before.

Her fingers touched the sharp edge of one chipped shell piece. It sliced her finger. Droplets of blood stained the shell's surface. Tenel Ka didn't move to clean it. She wondered when Jacen had been cut, when he had been stained. Had it happened during his childhood? Had it happened when Anakin died? During his captivity? During the fight with Omini? When had the blood he bled forever stained his spirit?

Unlike the fairy tales she and Isolder told Allana, this story wouldn't have a happy ending. Tenel Ka hoped and prayed for Jacen's redemption. She hoped she could see him again in a loving, real way. She wanted the real Jacen Solo, not Darth Caedus. She would give anything to bring him back, even her own life.

Tenel Ka placed the necklace back into the box and closed it. She set it down on the bed. She lifted her lightsaber once more. She wouldn't sit by and let Jacen ruin the galaxy. She would fight in whatever way she could. She ignited the blade and swung it through the air. The thrumming sound brought her focus.

Yes, she would fight. She would fight for her, for Allana, for the galaxy and for Jacen.

And she would win.

_Many years before…_

_Her red hair glistened in the sun as he ran his fingers through it. Tenel Ka was sitting on a rock ledge next to a warm water spring on Hapes. Jacen sat next to her. He pulled a strand of wet grass from one of her braids and flicked it towards the water. _

"_Thank you," Tenel Ka said quietly. She tilted her head back into the sun. Its warm rays relaxed her._

"_For what?" Jacen asked, eyes raking up and down her. She was the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. _

"_For this," she said. "For taking me here."_

"_You work yourself too hard," he explained. "Your father is worried about you."_

_Tenel Ka lowered her head to face him. Her brow furrowed as she spoke, "He fears I will encounter the same problems as my mother."_

_Jacen nodded solemnly. He gently ran his fingertips over her cheek. He leaned down to kiss her, lips pressing against her in a soft, tender way. He pulled back slightly to rest his forehead against hers. They sat this way for a moment or two, before pulling back._

_Tenel Ka's eyes sparkled. She stood up and gestured to the water. "Could I convince you in a race back to the fortress?"_

_Jacen grinned as he stood up. The sun would begin to set soon, bringing an end to their day of freedom. The night would bring passion, and pain when Jacen was forced to leave once more._

_Grasping hands, they leapt from the outcropping and into the warm water, into freedom. _


End file.
